Stuck

A man's boat just got wrecked in the middle of an ocean so he started swimming towards the nearest island visible to his sight.
Getting closer to the island, he can see two men.
When he finally reached the shore, he noticed that one of the men he saw was relaxing. Now when he approached him.

Swimmer: Sir would you be kind enough to allow me to use your boat so I can go home?

Man: I can't. I'm also stuck here. Even if I'm not, I wouldn't let you use it because I'd be the first to use it.

Swimmer: How long have you been here?

Man: I'm not sure but it feels like 30 days. My friend and I already exhausted all available food.

Swimmer: You mean the other guy I saw with you while I was still swimming?

Man: Yup.

Swimmer: Where is he?

Man: Like I said we've exhausted all available food. I ate him. You know what? I like you because you're not skinny. My friend was.

Swimmer: (Swam back to the ocean.)

My Audience

As a teacher, there were too many moments I could never forget. One of which is the first CAT (Citizen Army Training) Graduation I have ever participated at as a teacher.

One CAT officer was crying. It's hard not to notice him because he was at the front line and he was the only one moving as he wipe his tears. Not to mention they (CAT officers) are supposed to show themselves as tough and ones in command (as in soldiers with high ranks).

This sixteen-year old boy, when asked by teacher why he was crying, answered, "Because my mom called and she said she can't make it today."

Nothing You Can Do That We Can't

Four friends were talking. They're all girls. One of them grew up believing that a girl should stay virgin until she gets married. They mock her for being one. They called her ancient.

Firm as she is, she told them she does not see anything wrong with staying a virgin until getting married. They laughed at her and said, "You know what? You're missing a lot. In fact, there is no difference at all whether you're a virgin or not so just give it up."

"If there really is no difference at all, the more that I will hold on to it. There's no difference after all."

"You think that makes you better than us, don't you? We're actually better because we have done something you can't. Therefore, there is nothing you can do that we can't"

"You're wrong. I can be like you anytime I want. I just don't choose to. But you can never be like me anymore no matter how you try."

Father, Son, Horse, and an Instruction

A servant was given an instruction by his king to deliver a message to another kingdom. He gave him a horse and some food for his travel.
With the king's permission, he brought his son, a teenager, with him.

Along their journey, they heard some people talking about them saying they should give their horse a break. So they both get off the horse.

As they walk they heard another group of people talking about them saying they're not using their heads. They have a horse but not even one of them is riding it.
So the father decided to get his son ride on the horse.

Along the way, they heard another group of people saying, "What kind of a son is this? Why wouldn't he let his father get the ride? he's stronger."
So they switched. This time the father is riding the horse, the son walking.

Now a group of people said they should both ride in the horse so they did.

And the cycle continued until they decided not to listen to what they hear anymore.They have the king's instruction anyways.

Safest Thing To Wear

An old man was asked by a group of young men, "Sir, what is the safest thing to wear when having sex?"
They all laughed because they know he had no idea about condoms.

The old man smiled and answered, "The safest thing to wear when having sex is a marriage ring."

Dad, the ship is sinking!

A father and son is in a cruise.

The teenager son came rushing to his father, saying, "Dad! Dad! The ship sinking. The ship is sinking! What are we going to do?"

In a relaxed voice, the father replied, "Don't worry too much my son. This ship is not ours."

Saints, A Nun and A Chinese Businessman

A ship is sinking. One of its passengers, a nun, started calling on name of different saints in prayer.

"Saint John, Saint Paul, Saint..."

Another passenger, a Chinese, heard her praying. With a loud voice she called the nun's attention, "What is wrong with you? The ship is sinking and you're calling more people to ride!"